I’m Struggling

I am having a hard time with this recovery thing.  I want to exercise so badly!!! I have walked, tried running and worked out on the elliptical.  I even enjoyed the gorgeous warm weather yesterday with a bike ride but whenever I exert myself I end up sore the next day in my stomach which means it was too much. Right!?  So the next day I stress over hurting myself and eat too much because I’m worrying about what I might have done to my insides by working out.  I have done this now for 2 weeks.  I just can’t NOT do any exercise.  I start out with a nice walk (which is okay without discomfort) then I think I can jog a little and then how about just run one mile.  The surgeon told me it’s okay to to run or any other cardio as long as it doesn’t strain my stomach.  The problem is everything pretty much in some way uses those muscles. So even though the surgeon says it’s okay I feel it the next day. So am I causing damage to my body or is the soreness from not exercising regularly? What do you think?

I want to sweat and drip again! 

My weight is still up 10 pounds and my tummy is flabby again.  It is crazy how 2 weeks without 500 crunches and 100 pushups a night can cause your stomach to fall apart so quickly.  I know I need to relax and just recover but the scale goes up, up, up!  AGGGGHHHH! 

I read 2 articles from October’s General Conference on Agency this morning and how we of course have the ability to choose for ourselves and with every choice there is a consequence for good or bad.  I just feel like I am making more wrong choices with my health lately.  One day I’ll eat real well then the next my self control is out the window.  I just can’t wait for my strong healthy body to return but the next month is going to be tough taking it easy.  Boy I am stubborn!  I pray that I’ll have the strength and determination once my body is healed to get fully back into my old routine. There must be a lesson my Heavenly Father is trying to teach me in all of this.  I need to learn it quickly so I can move on.  Oh to be whole again!!! (Thanks for being my listening ear.  The tears are now starting to flow, I didn’t realize how emotional this recovery was going to be.  It has made me realize how much I need to rely on my Savior for strength and comfort.)