I just found out that I need to have surgery. The only surgery I have ever had was to remove my impacted wisdom teeth when I was 16 years old. I was put under general anesthesia for it but still that was very minor. I need to get my gall bladder taken out soon. I have several stones and an infection! I should have gone running to the doctor back in November when I had my first gall bladder attack but it went away after 1 hr or so, so I just wrote if off to muscle cramping from working out too hard or gas pains. Well I've had 4 or 5 more attacks since then and Tuesday night I had one that lasted 6 hours. It was as intense but wow, I knew the doctor was in my near future. I saw a doctor Wednesday morning had blood work done then Thursday went for an ultra sound and now here it is Friday and I have surgery scheduled for 10 days out. I should have gone in back in November and had this taken care of but I was worried about just having gas pains and looking foolish.
I know this is a routine surgery and I'll only be down for about 7-10 days then pretty much back to normal other than my exercise routine in 6 weeks. I am freaking out about not being able to do my normal 2 hours exercise 5 days a week. I should be able to start walking after a few days but what about my running 5 miles a day or the hour on the elliptical, my 500 crunches and I'm finally up to 100 push-ups a night. AGGGGHHHH! I worry that I am going to gain weight from this and blow my healthy eating. Yep, I'm officially FREAKING OUT!!!
You'd think I'd be worried about the surgery itself and I am a little bit, especially the anesthesia and the cutting 4 holes in my stomach muscle that I've worked so hard to develop, darn it! Oh well, it must be done and the sooner the better so I have to mentally be strong and I know all will be well. Right?!
Why I smile everyday!
We are very blessed to be an eternal family.
3 comments:
Becky, out of love I say this. Step back and reread your post. Read it with the eyes of others, me for example who has been where you are. The obsession is as unhealthy as holding onto the weight. Think about what's important...your health! Not gaining a couple of pounds. Not a set back of a week or two. So you lose a couple of weeks exercise. So you gain a pound or two. So what??? You have over 40 more years to live this life. This will NOT be the last time you face things like this.
Take care of yourself first. And, I'm not talking about two hours of exercise or kale smoothies. I'm talking about your mental health along with your physical (surgery) health. Do NOT put one in peril to obsess about the other.
You have lots of support. Do not freak out. What would you tell your own little girl if she had written this same post? You would tell her not to freak out and to trust the Lord that all would be well.
I love and care about you. I'm also very worried to hear you say things like this. It isn't healthy. You've come so far. There will be ups and downs. Life isn't perfect and you can't make it be. Ask yourself if your can live the rest of your life doing two hours of exercise every day without freaking out if you miss a day. Because, there will be days you will have to miss. Now I'm just rambling.
RELAX! Everything will be great. You can do many hard things. Take care of yourself and let yourself heal from the surgery. Trust me, I've been there.
Tami,
Thanks for your comments. I think I came across as a little extreme in my post. I just have worked so hard and it has been so easy for me to slip up lately that I guess I am having a hard time trusting myself. This really is my worst fear. Ever since I started losing weight I have worried that I'd get an injury or get sick and it would cause me to get off track and then the road back would be rough.
I talked with Dan about your comments and he is always very realistic with me and he said that he wouldn't say that I am obsessed but rather very dedicated to my healthy lifestyle. And as a side note the neighbors and friends I have talked to say it isn't just a few pounds but rather 10-20 pounds they gained just from anesthesia and pain meds, the iv fluid and water retention. So yes I don't want to see those kind of numbers on the scale but my health of course does come first which is why I eat and exercise the way I do.
Thanks again for your concern but rest assured that I am taking good care of myself.
Great. That's all I needed to know to rest my own concerned mind. ;)
I had major surgery (TWICE) two years ago and didn't gain anything. I think that every body is different. Keep your positive attitude and energy and I have no doubt that your hard work and dedication will pay off in the end. You are the most disciplined person I know.
Remember when I said that I've been there too? Well, I think I mentioned to you before that I weighed 300 pounds for most of my early adult life. Right before I met Terry I lost 150. Since then, I have gained and lost throughout the years and guess what? I'm just fine and happy. Sure it bugs the heck out of me but that just kicks me in the pants and gets me going. It's life. (dang it!)
I just want happiness for you. I know I'm coming off sounding like a b but I don't mean to. I DO know your fears and I DO know your pain. I just wanted to voice that to you because I care about you and I have been in your shoes and, after all, we are family. (however distant)
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